컵케이크

Yesterday I convinced a three-year-old that army tanks actually shoot out happy large cupcakes at hungry people.

vegetarian drama

sunday afternoon,

i strolled down york street with a stolen shopping

cart that i filled with beef.

last

it was a wednesday night, slouched dispassionately on the step of blockbuster when i realized i was still broken. with no intention of going inside, i sat there as if naked. painfully and fearfully aware of my own shameful and helpless disposition. of all places to mourn, why there. why in the comfortless drone of a cities night did i find refuge. amid the shadows of parked cars i cried. i hate moments like these. when im exposed. and when i realize, in the most ridiculous places at the most unexpected of times that the process of healing is almost more painful and certainly more difficult than the very experience of raw brokenness itself.

still my brad pitt

...when i was 10, i had a major crush on fidel castro. while all the other girls in my class drooled over the backstreet boys, i secretly fantasized about sharing a cigar with the marxist revolutionary and prime minister of Cuba.
in sixth grade i wrote a paper about why communism was beautiful. it both shocked and confused my teacher, who looked worriedly at my 10 inc sketch of castro, bordered with hearts around it.

i wanted to have his lovechild.

Yesterday i went to see the movie Che, and i realized the only thing that drew me to wanting to watch the film was the potential possibility of seeing castro on a giant screen. when i saw him my heart still felt all giddy. its strange, but fidel castro is my brad pitt.
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"I find capitalism repugnant. It is filthy, it is gross, it is alienating... because it causes war, hypocrisy and competition." F.C.

i JUST said we bought cotton candy.

meet lesley-- she's reaching for a plate of seaweed, in a long submarine. lesley is a visibile minority in syracuse. thats why she is my kindred heart friend. she makes makes my life sparkly with joy. yesterday we went on a daytrip to NewYork state, and it was exceptionally lovely. we saw a delightful "Post Secret" http://postsecret.blogspot.com/ exhibit at a art gallery, ate sushi, shocked and amazed (or horrified?) locals on the street, "awwed" over and spied on various wild animals, ate at a diner in Watertown and discovered the enigmatic definition of "cool", by analyzing the figure of the Fonz. by doing so we concluded that squaredancing was indeed cool, because it is somewhat counter-cultural and therefore unwittingly bad ass. we discovered that in order to live in syracuse it is mandatory for americans to have at least three LARGE body tattoos in very visible places. i also realized that im a sucker for women with new york accents that call me "sweetie" or "honey". i almost immediately want to send them homemade christmas cards for the rest of their lives, just to show how much i love them. i also realized i really like walking down the street with the-white-girl- with- dreads and that i like secrets. alot. almost as much as i liked giving the flamingos at the zoo a dirty look when les wasnt looking.
what a great day :)

rejuvination

This morning i hung my laundry out to dry for the very first time in my whole life.

It was a surprisingly cathartic and peaceful experience. there's something quite beautiful and promising about the whole process, that makes me more aware of my own nakedness. part of me feels somewhat envious of my clothing, as they dance carelessly in the wind and bask lovely-ly in the gentle sun. i like that their hung only by two small pegs, yet in their freedom their still centred and rooted. i miss that feeling. im happy for my sweaters and my purple dress... happy that they find liberation in the world, even if its only for a thursday afternoon.

fist

S-o-m-e-t-i-m-e-s,

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when i walk past a bird, i secretly fantasize about punching it in the face.