the "F" word.

Late at night on the bus ride home a drunk man sat beside me and we discussed feminism.

Oddly enough, it's come up many times-- that awkward and predictable moment when they find out Im a feminist.
This past year I've had a similar conversation with:

• 3 middle aged taxi drivers
• 1 elderly sales clerk
• 2 homeless men
• a drunk guy on the greyhound
• 2 pastors
• journalist on a school bus
  

The conversation inevitably goes as follows (every time):

"What are u taking in school?" - "Women's studies". "Oh......so your one of those crazy feminists eh?...." [at this point their face floods with disappointment and discomfort and their voice heightens with defense] then comes the classic "oh, [scoff] you must hate me then!". [I've yet to talk to a stranger who doesn't assume that my commitment to feminism equates an inherent hatred towards all humans with penises]
After an exasperated attempt to stress that feminism is about equality, not womn taking over the world nor the eradication of all men, theres a long pause followed by the argument: "if you ask me, women have more rights than men do.... [insert personal story about an x-wife, or a friend of a friend here].

this is usually followed by a " i think women are smart and are even just as capable as men are at many things, but.... insert "a woman cant pull me out of a burning house" fireman argument or the "a woman cant tackle down a criminal" police-argument.
Then comes the guilt. As they realize they've been ranting too long and need to suddenly appear "liberal" so they can appease me. They typically say something along the lines of: "At least women can work now... and aren't stuck in the kitchen" or "i would never hit a woman" .... or the more politically minded ones (usually the taxi drivers) bring up Hilary Clinton (in pre-Obama days). [as if a president with a vagina would inevitably mean an end to all sexism and patriarchy, just as the American delusion that a president with black skin must mean America's no longer a racist nation].

Sometimes the more daring men assume Im a lesbian. In which case the conversation typically goes as follows:

"Your too pretty to be a lesbian... it's a shame" followed by the subsequent heterosexist "look-at-me-im-so-open-minded-" statement of "I got no problem with them people, as long as their not pushing it in people's faces" or "as long as they don't expect to get married".

Usually they'll end the conversation with a joke about me probably wishing i could beat them up. but behind the joke, their eyes look almost sympathetic-- like im ruined.

It makes me sad that in mainstream society feminism is immediately demonized, and deliglitimized. It makes me sad that its an immediate threat, instead of a call for peace and equality. Why does my empowerment as a woman, make men feel as if they've suddenly been castrated?

What's interesting about these conversations is that each guy thinks he's so smart and original and enlightened in his arguments, even though their completely predictable. (and just as tiring as the vegetarianism talk with the inevitable "plants have feelings too..." comment or the "im a meat-a-tarian" advertisement rip off joke).

It angers me that they don't see a need for feminism. they dont seem to see a world that needs to be changed. Im sick of people reducing feminism to mere "women's rights" or matters of domesticity, and being "freed from the kitchen". We're not in the 1950s and 60s anymore.

Yes we can vote. Yes we can work. but our world is still fucked up. Our world is still rotting with oppression.
Our bodies are still raped, robbed, silenced. we still live in fear. we're still bonded by the chains of racism. homophobia. classism.

Talks like these are always bitter sweet.
Bitter because of their discouraging predictability and frustrating assumptions.
Sweet because of the hope that possibly one less person in the world will equate feminists with being an unnecessary, man-hating, power-hungry, matriarchal, butch-dyke (who is a dyke simply because she is apparently too ugly and mean to get a real man), who wants to take over the world and inevitably castrate all men. . .
(not that theres anything terribly wrong with "matriarchical butch dykes :) )
I wish to see a day where a middle aged taxi driver, and a drunk guy on a bus will know and beleive that a world infected with sexism is a world that needs to change.